Expi vs Anxiety

Expi vs Anxiety is the ninth chapter of the second season of The Two Cats and twenty-first chapter overall. It was published on March 31, 2021

Expi's Bad Dream
This chapter starts out with Expi "frolicking" through a forest with Mariko, on a presumably nice day. At some point, Mariko leaves Expi behind making sure everything's "okay." When Mariko calls Expi to come over, however, Expi finds herself chained to a heavy weight, which seems to have spawned out of nowhere. The sky then turns dark, and Expi continues to try to move, but she can't, even when Mariko is screaming for help. Expi attempts to yell back one last time, but this causes her to wake up - revealing that this sequence was a dream.

As a result of Expi's yelling, Mariko wakes up and checks on Expi, who reassures her it was just a bad dream. Mariko tells her everything's fine - just take a deep breath and try to go back to sleep.

Anxiety-Filled Morning
Expi tries to go back to sleep, but has trouble doing so, and only gets about 30 minutes to an hour of sleep before she is waken up by her alarm and has to go to work. Between both anxiety and the lack of sleep, she feels dread as she walks to work. It is revealed here that Expi has dealt with anxiety for a long time - having attacks even when there was nothing wrong, and that she often resorts to nervous habits during these attacks - including biting her claws, which she does on her way to work.

A co-worker comes over to Expi's office after she arrives, and asks her to open up a bundle of letters. She tries to, but after biting her claws, she can't. The co-worker appears annoyed, leaving Expi feeling awkward. Expi calls Mariko after still feeing worried, who is woken up by her phone going off. Expi asks if everything's alright, and Mariko assures her, albeit tiredly, complaining that it was the second time Expi woke her up in the past 12 hours. Mariko reassures her again that nothing's wrong, and hangs up. Expi feels like she annoys her, but decides to call the rest of her family to see if that would make her feel better.

Expi decides to call her mom, asking if there's anything wrong with her or Nicki, who reassures her just like Mariko. Then she calls her dad, who's also fine, before calling Spike. Once again, she asks him if it's alright, but Spike complains to Expi telling her that she "can't just call [him] at random times" since he's busy. He then tells her that if anything were to happen to him, that they would be notified immediately. He hangs up after telling Expi that if she wants to talk, just to e-mail him.

An Annoyance to Others
Expi then begins to wonder if calling everyone made them feel annoyed - especially after waking Mariko up twice in the past 12 hours and now her brother responding in the way he did. Her anxiety continues to get to her, albeit now over something else. She decides talking to anyone would just make them annoyed with her, and proceeds with her work.

As per usual, Expi goes back home and watches Friendship is Magic with Mariko, however Expi is having trouble paying attention and Mariko notices - telling Expi that she doesn't seem like her normal self and kind of shook up. Expi tells her that nothing's wrong and that she has to go back to work. However, before she leaves, she asks Mariko if she's annoyed with her after calling and waking her up. Mariko tells her that she's over it and knows she was just checking in, but Expi apologizes for annoying her in the first place.

As Expi goes back to her work, she rambles to herself, saying that she shouldn't have gotten "worked up about everyone" and that she's just getting worried for no reason. She then asks herself why she's getting annoyed, since there's nothing wrong. She then takes a deep breath, and assures herself that everything's okay. After returning to the office, she decides to write an email to Spike, apologizing for calling and (presumably) annoying him.

The End of the Day
Expi still continues to feel anxiety throughout the rest, resorting to another one of her habits - picking fur off her arm. Right before returning home, she checks in on her co-worker and apologizes for having trouble getting the bundle of letters open. Her co-worker apologizes back for giving her an attitude, but asks why Expi wasn't able to get them open. Expi makes up an excuse, telling her she chipped her claws while trying to move something. Her co-worker points out her missing fur from her arm, asking if that's also related, causing Expi to notice a small patch of fur missing. Expi decides to just go with that story, before heading back home, however now feels worried that everyone at her job will think there's something wrong with her, and that she's still getting worried about nothing.

Expi returns to her apartment, where Mariko greets her. Expi goes to the bathroom, and splashes water on her face as she looks at her reflection in the mirror - saying that, maybe, there is something wrong with her. She decides to lay on her bed for a little while and let the anxiety flow through her, as she doesn't feel like she has any other options.

Mariko notices there's something off about Expi, but initially chooses to leave her alone for an hour before going in Expi's room. She sees Expi is feeling bad (as she can tell through her staying in her room and laying on her bed) and tries to talk to her. Expi initially assures her that she's perfectly fine, but as she gets up, Mariko notices the missing fur from her arm. Expi makes up another excuse, but Mariko is able to see through it, seeing as she knows Expi personally unlike her co-worker. Mariko then asks her to hold out her paws, and looks at them, noticing that her claws have been bitten. Expi then admits she's been pulling nervous habits, but tells Mariko she doesn't want her to be worried. However, Mariko responds saying that she already is worried, and Expi decides to talk about having anxiety attacks, including her bad dream.

Expi reveals that she still feels worried about Mariko after what she did at the bridge, and Mariko promises her that she won't do anything like that again. Expi also confesses she feels like everyone's annoyed and getting tired of her. Mariko decides to hug Expi, assuring her that everyone's okay, and that she's not annoyed or getting tired of her. She tells Expi that there's nothing wrong with her and that a lot of people deal with this. Mariko then gets the idea for Expi to see counseling. Expi tells her it's too expensive, and Mariko understands but tells her that she should go see someone and talk to them - also saying herself that she should get someone considering they have both been through a lot. Mariko also tells Expi she can talk to her whenever she's feeling down, and that while she may not have "all the answers," it's better to talk to someone than keep her emotions bottled up.

Expi decides to get up, check her e-mail and make dinner. Spike had responded to Expi, apologizing for giving her an attitude earlier, and that if she ever feels worried she can message him.

Epilogue
Tying back to the beginning of the chapter, Expi has a similar dream - once again, where Expi finds herself tied to a large weight as Mariko calls for her. However, this time, Expi looks at the ground and finds a key - which she uses to get herself unstuck. Expi yells back, telling Mariko she'll be there in a second, and tells the weight that she'll deal with it later, implying the weight as a metaphor for her anxiety.

Characters

 * Expi
 * Mariko
 * Teresa Feliton
 * Spike Feliton
 * Unnamed Co-worker
 * Steve Feliton (mentioned)
 * Nicki Feliton (mentioned)
 * Jack (mentioned)

Trivia

 * This chapter is largely based off ExpitheCat's own experiences with anxiety.
 * This chapter was published on Trans Day of Visibility.